


A Parenthesis in Eternity

by gemjam



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:18:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemjam/pseuds/gemjam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nico is the keeper of the racing prophecies, handed down to him by his father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Parenthesis in Eternity

**Author's Note:**

> Many many thanks to deltachild@livejournal for her excellent beta. She also gets full credit for Nels' prophecy, which is way better than anything I would have come up with.

The hero died a long time ago. The tragedies just get smaller, quieter and more personal. That’s what makes them really hurt.

His father handed him the book on his 21st birthday, midway through his first season in Formula One. It was heavy, obviously old, the spine cracked and pages yellowed. He never asked his father where he got it from. He knew the answer would scare him. As he began to read, he knew exactly why his father had decided to retire when he did.

He only ever told one other person about the book. Nels.

“Do you think I did not know all along where I was headed?” Nels asked simply when Nico tried to warn him.

Nico shook his head, looking down at the words in front of them. _The sins of the father exorcised through the son, compelled to deceit in a race without sun._ “Not like this.”

“You say it like I have a choice,” Nels said, turning his face away so that Nico couldn’t see his eyes. Nico could always tell what he was thinking just by looking into those eyes.

“Walk away,” he told Nels.

“And then I will have nothing,” Nels replied.

“There’s no glory in staying,” Nico told him. “Not like this.”

Nels turned back to look at him, and Nico could see it all in his eyes, that broken heart that Nico was far beyond fixing. “There is no glory for me at all.”

So people came and people went and Nico was the only person who really knew why. Safety measures had been improved so much that no one really got hurt anymore, but Nico still flinched with each departure so that by the time it came to be his own turn, he felt as though he was cut to ribbons.

He picked up the phone and called the only person he could think of.

“Read it to me,” Nels told him.

“I don’t want to,” Nico replied.

“You were happy enough to read me mine.”

Nico sighed. Nels had always been so resigned to his fate, the inescapability of it, hearing Nico read those words from an ancient book hadn’t changed anything for him. If anything, the truth had made him take that final step back that had put him truly out of Nico’s reach.

Nico opened up the book. Nels had never blamed Nico, never held anything against him, but maybe Nico blamed himself, and so he started to read. “Beside the clipped wings stands the son of a champion, whose own sun will shatter instead of setting.”

“That’s just a stupid riddle,” Nels dismissed.

“It’s me,” Nico insisted. “I have read these for a long time, followed this text. I’m so used to it now that I don’t even see the code. This one is for me.”

“Should I tell you to walk away?” Nels asked.

“I thought I would get to win,” Nico said, embarrassed by the crack in his voice. “Before it was all over.”

“Stay,” Nels told him.

“You’re going to tell me that it was worth it?” Nico asked. Silence. He closed the book. “I know I could have won.”

“Maybe you still will,” Nels replied.

“My time is running out,” Nico stated. “I will have to make the choice soon.”

Nels hesitated. “I will not say that it was worth it,” he finally admitted, “but there is a certain pride that comes from staying until the bitter end.”

In Monza, he thought his time had come. As the car spun, he saw the words inside his brain and he imagined an exploding star, shards of sunlight tearing him apart. When he got out of his car, alive and well, he didn’t feel relief. It only meant that worse was still to come.

That evening, he was drowning his pitiful sorrows in the hotel bar when he was aware of someone sitting down beside him.

“Not a good day for either of us.”

He looked up at Adrian. “It is not that,” he said. “I...” He stared into Adrian’s eyes and wondered if he could really let himself trust someone like that again. In the end though, the burden was too much to face alone. He was selfish. He opened his mouth and let the words fall out, “I have a book. My father gave it to me.”

Adrian pouted thoughtfully. “A book?”

“Yes,” Nico agreed. He sat up a little straighter. “Would you like to read it?”

Adrian frowned as he sat on Nico’s bed, studying the strange text. Nico had opened it to the page of Ayrton’s death. It was how he had convinced Nels, all that time ago, and he could tell that it was convincing Adrian too.

“Where did he get this?” Adrian asked.

“Does it matter?” Nico replied. “It all comes true; now I have to finish before I even really get started.”

Adrian closed the book. “Nico, you are going to drive yourself crazy if you believe in this.”

“If,” Nico repeated, giving a sharp, bitter laugh. “You’ve seen it. How can you say ‘if’?”

“Nico...” Adrian appealed.

“I think I need more alcohol,” Nico said, heading for the mini-bar.

An hour later, they were sat on the floor, propped up by the wall, tiny liquor bottles scattered in front of them. They had turned out the lights, Nico unable to stare at that book any longer, but he could still make out the silhouette of it on his bed from the dim light that filtered through the window. He shifted slightly, his arm brushing against Adrian’s. He felt warm. He felt familiar; an echo of a simpler time.

“Do you remember when we were young and we would close our eyes and kiss for hours?”

Adrian gave a soft breath of laughter. “Are we old now?”

“Older,” Nico replied. “I can’t work out if the world got smaller or bigger.”

“I think the world stayed the same,” Adrian said. “I think it was us that changed.”

Nico turned to look at him. Everything seemed to be in black and white, but Nico imagined the blush on Adrian’s cheeks. He always used to blush when they kissed. Soft lips. Warm skin. Cheeks aflame.

“Do you want to turn back time?” he whispered.

“Almost every day,” Adrian replied, his voice so quiet that it almost wasn’t there.

It was strange how Adrian kissed exactly like Nico remembered, and yet nothing like it at all. Nico knew that he must have kissed many people since the last time they had done this, it seemed like another life now; each one of them had coloured something about Adrian, just like each of Nico’s lovers must have changed him. Adrian’s kisses were still meek and demanding all at once, asking for what they wanted and then taking it half a second later, not patient enough to wait for a response.

As Adrian’s fingers traced his jaw, stroked across his cheek and twisted into his hair, Nico saw the barriers they had set so carefully in place all those years ago come crumbling down around them. Nico didn’t know what love was back then, only want. He was clinging tentatively to his teenage years while Adrian had taken those first shaky steps out of his. They didn’t know who they were. They kissed because they liked it; it never went any further. Their bodies would press close as their lips and tongues danced breathlessly together, but they never touched, never explored each other, never let hands stray under clothes. They were both hard, all the time it seemed, but they pretended not to notice. They’ve been pretending ever since.

Nico reached out his own hand, sliding it around the back of Adrian’s neck and pulling him closer. The contact sent actual shivers through him. He had dreamed about this. When Adrian murmured a pleased noise right into Nico’s mouth, Nico was certain he would never be able to hold back again.

He moved, straddling Adrian’s lap, and found himself tugged by the hips until they were sitting flush together, groin against groin, and they had to break the kiss just to take in the enormity of what they were doing. They were both so overwhelmed, but Nico could tell this wasn’t hesitation. He breathed Adrian in and savoured the moment. So many remarkable things happen in quiet rooms with nothing but the beating of hearts and the rasping of breath for a soundtrack. He wished he could express that thought to Adrian, but words had left him, so he settled for letting his body talk instead.

They kissed again, deep, hungry, laced with every drop of history they’d ever shared with each other. Layers were shed until Nico felt more than naked, like Adrian had stripped him right down to the soul. He felt so sensitive, so responsive, as they used their hands and lips to explore what had been kept forbidden for so long. They ended up sprawled out on the hotel room floor, naked, sweaty, and rutting against one another.

Out of the corner of his eye, Nico could see the book on the edge of the bed, mocking him, threatening to take away everything he had only just finally found. It made him even more determined not to take a second of it for granted. If this was the course his life was destined to take, he was so grateful he had been handed this single moment before it all fell apart.

He came with Adrian’s hand wrapped tightly around his cock, Adrian’s mouth sucking wetly on his neck. He cried out, body arching upwards off the scratchy carpet, and he felt like his life had come full circle. Nico could not imagine why he would ever need to be anywhere but in this moment, forever.

Nico woke up alone, the start of a hangover only adding to the sinking feeling in his stomach. He had survived Monza. He was lucky. When one dream comes true, however, there is always a price to pay. There were still six more races for his life to fall spectacularly apart in.

As he squinted in the sunlight, he noticed a piece of paper on the pillow beside him.

_I don’t believe in fate. It is bullshit. Write your own story. I have helped you make a start. Ax_

Nico smiled at the words, he couldn’t help himself. Adrian might be a fool for thinking Nico could fight this, but he hadn’t seen the things that Nico had seen. He just simply believed in him. Nico didn’t think he’d ever been so touched by something in his life.

He sat up, his body screaming out in protest from the previous night’s activities. Next time they had to try and make it to the bed. Nico felt a little glow. _Next time._

On the bedside table he saw the book, but it looked different and it took him a moment to realise what was wrong. Half of the pages had been torn crudely out, the book lilting over into the empty space left in their absence. Nico frowned and picked it up. A piece of paper fluttered out.

_Beside the clipped wings stands the son of a champion, who has a long time left to shine._

Nico opened the book and found that his own page, his own fate, was now missing, along with everything that followed it. The history was still there, but the present, the future, that was apparently still up for grabs.

Nico put the book down and headed into the bathroom, finding the sink full of ashes, and he felt a tiny spark of hope glowing deep inside him. He would have to leave a large tip for the maid, but it was a small price to pay for a clean slate.


End file.
